Cleaning Up
by Enjoying Insanity
Summary: Elladan, Elrohir, and Arwen are faced with the problem of Imladris being under the control of another Sue (complete with screwed up ancestry, excruciatingly long name, and multicolored eyes!). So what’s the trio to do? Clean up, of course…


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Disclaimer: I don't own LotR. Sadly and unfortunately, I do, however, own the abhorrence known as Tinkeriel.

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Summery: Elladan, Elrohir, and Arwen are faced with the problem of Imladris being under the control of another Sue (complete with screwed up ancestry, excruciatingly long name, and multicolored eyes!). So what's the trio to do? Clean up, of course…

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A/N: Yay…go Katie…her first attempt at something remotely canonical! *throws confetti* Thanks a bunch to Writer From Rivendell for betaing this! *throws more confetti* Constructive criticism is welcomed, flames will go to my mini-balrog Thanduril for him to play with…^.^ Hope you enjoy this. At least a little!

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Cleaning Up

It was silent. Not a Man, Dwarf, Elf, or Hobbit stirred. All were looking up in awe at the beautiful creature before them (yet strangely, their eyes were vacant of emotion), the brave wonderful girl who had just offered to help Frodo take the Ring to Mordor. Her lustrous blond curls floated angelically around her head, and her emerald green eyes sparkled with determination. Her bright pink dress, covered in lace and bows, draped around her perfect figure wonderfully. She seemed to glow. The glow was from her Elven blood. She wasn't just an Elf though (that would be too boring!) She was part Elf/Hobbit/fairy/unicorn/nymph/mermaid/Ringwraith.

Suddenly, the author's voice rang throughout the council. "Not dwarf blud tho, bcuz tat's jus grooosss!1!!!!11 EWEWEWEW!!1111!! dwarf's' r NASTYIES!111!1111!!" All council members flinched and closed their eyes in pain, trying to block out the dreaded high pitched, squealing voice. Several Dwarves had scowls on their faces as they heard what the author was saying. As soon as the voice stopped, they resumed their awed looks. The description of the beautiful woman continued on. 

She had sparkling wings and mysterious magical powers from her fairy side, and a horn in the center of her forehead from her unicorn side (She thought her white horn was beautiful, and thought everyone else did too. Actually, they thought it was rather stupid). Her Ringwraith side allowed her to turn invisible, and her nymph side allowed her to be in touch with nature and animals. 

Her purple amethyst eyes—

Suddenly, the author spoke again. "Here eyez trn kolorz!!11! Iznt taht kewlies?!!!111?!///!?" Once again, the members winced and tried to escape the voice. 

Her purple amethyst eyes looked at the face of each Fellowship member. She knew she had to protect them. She was their only hope. Her magic powers from her fairy blood would save them. Without her, the Fellowship was incomplete. She, Arásèvèntialwen Tinkeriel Illoliolá Celestialfiligwèndolyn Dedrèshilánangál Erèmptilèasèn Laminionitá Olynstántinaga Blondehairedblueeyedpointyeared Yèstavannála Phlèbeolistána GlitterDawn(Called Tinkeriel for short), daughter of Elrond and Arwen, princess of Rivendall, would save them.

Tinkeriel stepped forward.

"Father, I will accompany the Fellowship on their Quest. They will need my magical powers that flow in my blood to save them!" Tinkeriel said to Elrond. "As the Elfin King of Rivendall, and my father, you are required to let me do this!" No one knew why exactly Tinkeriel thought Lord Elrond was required to let her join, nor why she thought he was the 'Elfin king' of this Rivendall place. But none of them could protest to her statement. 

"Yes, my beautiful, talented, charming, artistic, strong daughter, Tinkeriel, you may go with the Fellowship to destroy the Ring. You are the strongest out of everyone in this meeting," 'King' Elrond said in an odd monotone. Tinkeriel smiled prettily. She started forward to stand with the rest of the Fellowship. 

"o ya, dun cal Tinkeriel a mary soo ore wutevr cuz he's nt, she's reely kewliez n stuf. no1 els cin hav kolr changein eyez n haz suhc a kewl name liek Tinkerielz!!" said the author. The characters gave a collective twitch.

__

Meanwhile…

"Hurry, Elrohir, the Council has already started! Elladan, stop lagging behind me, we must be quick!"

"We *aren't* lagging! We're right next to you, Arwen," Elrohir said thinly to his sister. He and Elladan exchanged looks of exasperation. They were just as determined to get rid of this foul being that plagued Imladris as she was, but quite honestly, she was getting rather irritating. 

"We're almost there," she said instead of answering Elrohir. They sped around a corner. "I hope she hasn't done anything too awful yet! We must go faster if we want to catch her before that happens!" They really were short on time. This had happened before, and when they didn't manage to get rid of the beast before she could do damage, their friends and family sometimes took months getting back to their normal selves. 

It was nothing short of torture watching Legolas walk through the halls of the Last Homely House trying to jump all of the residents and then kiss them. It pained them to see Boromir sitting in a corner talking with himself about things like, "I am a rapist, and a chauvinistic pig! No, I'm not, I'm a good man, not a—NO! I am evil!" For Arwen especially, it was hard for Aragorn to stare at her blankly and say, "Arwen who? I'm in love with Bangloria. No wait, I'm in love with Loretisha. No, excuse me, she was last week, it's…" And every time Elrohir and Elladan tried to convinced their father that he had two sons and a daughter, the Elf Lord would always insist he had 230,555 daughters and counting.

The three Elves *really* didn't want to have to go through that again.

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Tinkeriel flashed a smile at her future travel companions. She surveyed them all carefully. There were two Men, Boromir being one of them. He was from some place named…Gandor, wasn't it? He looked at her disapprovingly, as though he had something against girls being warriors. Tinkeriel glared at him in defiance. She was just as good a fighter as him, and probably better! She would show him…

"Grrrrrl powr!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said the author, much to the annoyance of everyone save Tinkeriel. 

The other Man was Aragorn. He was a rather rugged Man, and was currently staring at Tinkeriel in a kind of puppy love-ish look. There were four hobbits, all very cute in Tinkeriel's opinion. There was the wizard Gandalf and a Dwarf named…Gamli—that was it— who Tinkeriel didn't even glance at. 

Once again, the author's voice intruded. "EWIES, GIMLY AD GADALF!!!!11!!1 Uglie dwaf nd a stoopid borin old wizrd! i HAT gemlie and GAndelf!!111111 dont u???//??/. ?" Gimli and Gandalf both were looking highly insulted, but abruptly became blank faced when the author was finished speaking. 

Lastly Tinkeriel's blueish golden silvery black eyes rested on Legolas. 

"0hmiG0D, LEGGY IZ SOOOOZ H0000TT!11111!!!!!!!!!!!!!111" came the author's voice. Legolas cringed and tried to dash away, but he was forced back to his position with the Fellowship. 

He was a dashing Elven prince from Mirkwood. He was instantly taken with Tinkeriel, because of her radiant beauty (Yes, her beauty was so great, he didn't even care that she was really an incredibly boring person with no personality. Oh no, he didn't care about that one bit.). Tinkeriel gave him her prettiest smile and stood next to him.

"Umyaanii yalia jhecela, Legolas Greenleaf," Tinkeriel greeted him in what she obviously thought was Elvish. Legolas didn't know what she was saying, as he had never heard the language before. 

"*droolz* S00000Z h0000000tt!1111 i kno taht sum ppl dun liek it wen ppl put stuf likee tings lik taht in their storiez but I just wanna tel u al mi opinon!11it MY storee, so i can do neting i want!!@!2" the author said in her twisted language. In the two minute it took her to say that (you must remember, she kept squealing and giggling in between words), Legolas managed to get out a few words.

"My name is *not* Legolas Greenleaf! I am just Legolas!" he said in an icy tone to Tinkeriel before he was taken hold of and snapped back into place. Tinkeriel decided to ignore what the Prince had said to her and instead just smiled. Again. She smiled a lot, being a naturally happy person, didn't you know?

"You shall be the Fellowship of the—"

"Wait! Everyone STOP!" yelled a voice. Tinkeriel whipped around, her long blond tresses flying in a dramatic (and unnecessary) fashion behind her. Her stormy silver eyes went fiery as they sought the face of the one who dared interrupt her father. Two identical Elves wielding bows notched with what looked like poison-tipped arrows (Here Tinkeriel used her "magic powers" to find out if the arrows were poison tipped or not. She was special like that.) stood before her, and between them was a particularly angry Elven woman holding a wicked looking sword. Tinkeriel dismissed the twins as no one of importance and instead saved her scowl for the woman. 

"And who are *you*?" Tinkeriel questioned in a demanding tone toward the woman. Her eyes narrowed. How was this possible? This Elf surpassed Tinkeriel's beauty by far! It was not possible. Tinkeriel was the most beautiful girl *ever*! 

"I am Arwen Undomiel. These are my brothers, Lords Elrohir and Elladan of Imladris. And who might *you* be?" the woman said menacingly.

"I am Arásèvèntialwen Tinkeriel Illoliolá Celestialfiligwèndolyn Dedrèshilánangál Erèmptilèasèn Laminionitá Olynstántinaga Blondehairedblueeyedpointyeared Yèstavannála Phlèbeolistána GlitterDawn," she said, sounding quite bratty. This sent Elladan and Elrohir into laughing fits, much to Arwen's annoyance. Tinkeriel frowned at them. Her name was beautiful! Her mother, Arwen, told her that it meant 'Most beautiful maiden in the whole, wide, entire world.' Why were they laughing at her. "I am the daughter of King Elrond and Queen Arwen of Rivendall, and I am part Elf/Hobbit/fairy/unicorn/nymph/mermaid/Ringwraith. I'm the princess of the fairy kingdom of Glittery Pretty Flowers and the Mistress of all Lovable and Fuzzy Woodland Creatures! Do you mock me, foolish mortals?" Tinkeriel knew they were not mortal, but it made her statement all the more dramatic.

This only made the twins laugh harder. Arwen shushed them.

"You must be ill. You are not and never will be the daughter of 'King' Elrond and 'Queen' Arwen," Arwen said coolly. "Society frowns upon those who marry their father."

"And your name is no Elven name. It's absolutely silly!" Elladan commented before starting to chuckle again. 

"We are not mortals, either. On the contrary, we are *immortal*," said Elrohir, who sounded slightly insulted that she had mistaken such a thing.. Tinkeriel was at loss for words. Why were they not dazzled by her beauty? Why did they not drop to their knees in reverence? It was all wrong! 

"If you don't mind, we'd appreciate it if you removed yourself from Imladris," Elladan said maliciously.

"Preferably to the vilest, worst pit in Mordor," Arwen added.

"Don't bother coming back, either, because we don't want you tainting the Last Homely House any more than you already have," Elrohir put in, sounding just a cold as his siblings. Tinkeriel whimpered. This wasn't happening like it was supposed to!

"Leave me alone! I banish you from Rivendall! I will cast a spell over all of you! Squidgy iggy frushen SEEP!" she yelled, pointing a finger at the trio. Nothing happened (unsurprisingly).

"I suppose we'll dispose of her ourselves," Elrohir said after a moment with a sigh. The twins drew back their bows, and Arwen raised her sword. Before Tinkeriel could utter any more of her so called spells, two very pointy arrows pierced her chest, and one incredibly sharp sword was driven into her body. 

And so ended Arásèvèntialwen Tinkeriel Illoliolá Celestialfiligwèndolyn Dedrèshilánangál Erèmptilèasèn Laminionitá Olynstántinaga Blondehairedblueeyedpointyeared Yèstavannála Phlèbeolistána GlitterDawn.


End file.
